MSNBC Article

Well. MSNBC interviewed James about our job situation...

here's the story!
Enjoy


For Some, Jobless benefits Trump a Job

David Crowder Band - SMS [Shine]

This just makes me happy!

New Season Begins

Rosh Hashanah marks the beginning of a new year according to the Hebrew Calendar and its truly a new year for us as well.
Marks some beginnings like noah starting 6th Grade.
James started school today.
And I'm celebrating 2 years with my current employer.

this is also a time of uncertainty but for some reason I just know its going to be great! Yes, its full of scary stuff like what will happen with James's unemployment while he goes to school and how will we pay for school, but for some reason we know it'll all work out.
now I do have my days when I get so scared and full of fear about the unknown that I nearly lose my mind. Those are the days I drink too much coffee and my brain goes into overdrive!

I do find it funny that this is the time in our lives we are literally living thru a season of blessing. Its ironic really.
I'm finding I need to give more and more and MORE then usual.
the other day I gave away concert tickets that I had won (another great thing!) to someone who really wanted them.

I'm sort of making it my motto to give out of my own want and need. Its just easier to bless people who truly need or want something - in the end I probably don't need it.

Don't get me wrong - I can't just go out and buy anything I want to give to people, but I'm finding great deals for people! I found a ton of bedding for a homeless place that works with those within our community for 75% off the price! Hey, if someone needs something I'm out to find it and find it for CHEAP.

Also, a local pet shop is letting james sell some of his dog and cat creations - blessing right there! They take a small cut from the sale of our item, but just getting our stuff out there is HUGE when it comes to spreading the word on what james can do. Lots of special people in our lives right now.

So while this season is hard - very hard at times - its soo good. God is so good!!
What makes it so worth it is knowing all that we are going thru is not in vain. God is going to use this to HIS glory and his blessings are So great. If he can create the heavens and the Earth - he can bless little ol' me.

Happy New Year to us!

Just go with it...

That's pretty much my motto these days. not like a passive "whatever" attitude, but just taking life and stuff as it is.
Whatever God brings my way I'm just going to go with. Mind you, I'll be fighting anything that is questionable or not-God like!

Funny thing and interesting thing happened the other day.

James got a call from his mom (foster mom - but best mom ever for him) and her husband Scott wanted to give us a car. Now we sold James's commuter car last fall when it was apparent his job wasn't coming back anytime soon. He loved that car and it broke his heart and mine. One day we'll get it back. So they have a car that they weren't using and knew we needed a commuter car since his truck was not cutting it. James started school so he needs something a little more gas friendly as he'll be commuting about 15 min each way 5x a week.
I had to laugh though when we picked up the car. Its old. Its as old as me. 32 yrs to be exact.
The dash had seen better days and I suppose you could call the cracks in the dash a form of art - maybe they look like stars to some people!
I got to thinking though - just go with it.
Imagine what we might be able to do with it.
Once we fix the sunroof that leaks and fixed it so it doesn't run so hot when you drive it for more then 10 min.
I got to thinking maybe we could trade it for something. Something we truly need! probably not a better car, but something that is worth something and might be a little better then a car.

I've always heard about people being gifted a car and thought no one would do that for us and then low and behold - we can now say we have been one of those people!
God is good.
He's funny but Good.

I know he's going to do something incredible with this car. At least it runs. And once we get it up and going who knows, maybe someone really wants a '78 toyota celica! Its vintage and could get collector plates. Does that make me a collectible as well??

God you are funny and I love it. He truly does have a sense of humor.

Emotional Sally

yep that's me these days.
I honestly think I'm about as hormonal as a pregnant women (not pregnant) because I'm UP and then down and then UP and then down. I'm driving myself crazy.
I know I'm going thru a lot but sheesh.

Today I nearly started to cry because traffic was so bad that I couldn't see the end of it and I wasn't late or anything, just so tired and worn out.
the thought of sitting in traffic made me cringe and get all crazy worried.
Then my car made a little shudder and I almost passed out. It scared me so bad that I started thinking, "OMGOSH if my car breaks down..." you know where that thought pattern went.
I had to tell myself to stop and quit driving yourself crazy!!!

yeah.
Not the best day in my book.
all weekend I was a brat and if someone was video taping me they would have been disappointed for sure. Not a shining example in the least.
I don't know how my family puts up with me. I honestly don't.
they certainly have more patience then I do (see previous post) when I start hen pecking everyone.

I disgust myself.
But you know how at times you can sense change is in the air? And you start to wonder what is going to happen and you can't put your finger on what....but its enough to make you get a little antsy and worried. I think that's where I'm at. Something is up and I can't figure out what yet, but I can say that once the changes happens or whatever "it" is I hope I'm ready for it.

I don't like how crazy I've been feeling though. The stress is really bothersome and I don't want to be that women that lets stress or anxiety eat away at me. That's not who I am and who I absolutely refuse to be. There. I've said it. I will not succumb to what some women have to resort too like pills to control their emotions. I'm going to start praying and reading my bible.
And maybe just maybe I need more women in my life to help control this and make me feel a little less crazy. ;)

Don'tcha Wonder?

I'm thinking I owe my fans a little insite into our lives right now!

Ok where should I start...

Well James is still out of work. Not surprising. Its like a dry wasteland around the WA job market.
However, his 3rd extension was approved thru unemployment - 3rd times a charm right?!
He has decided to go forward with school and starts at Clover Park at the end of this month. He is on a waiting list for his new career path, but we're believing he'll get in. For now he has to take his other classes (math, english, etc) until the waitlist frees up a bit.
i think he's excited.
I'm nervous only because its a long program - 2 years. But he did it for me so now I'm going to let him do school now. Why not? Some of it is paid for thru worksource and unemployment anyway. Might as well take advantage.

As for me, I'm looking into getting a 2nd job to help us out a bit. I want to start saving for noah's school for next year. Still paying this year off, but we made such a huge dent with the yard sale and all that selling of the crap that I think we can keep doing this if we keep chipping away! Obviously a part time job after my full time job is a lot on my plate, but I'll find something not very hard (think the mall) and do that during holiday. It probably won't last, but hey its money in the bank and we need it.

Our house stuff....wow....well lets just say I'm not happy with how its going, but it is what it is. Thats all I have to say about that.
(and I fear that they might read this post and I don't need that!)

We still have a very uncertain future ahead of us this year, but I have a weird feeling God is going to yet again blow our minds not only with his Grace and Mercy, but also with things we won't expect. He has provided so much already who knows what he could do!

here's to Fall!

I had more then I thought...

I would normally not classify myself as a patient person.
Sometimes I get so annoyed at the dumbest things, but I've turned into a Master that somehow disguises my disgust easily.

Today at work it wasn't fun.
A lot is going on and I'm feeling a ton of pressure to take on MORE MORE AND MORE! which isn't a bad thing - its a good thing. People trust me more and know I can handle more, BUT I'm already starting to feel that pinch of "my plate is full."

So today we had a gal out on vacation, but we were getting orders early because of the holiday so many customers were confused, forgot about the holiday, wondered who I was (calling someone elses customers can easily confuse!) and just had a lot to do in a little amount of time.
And it was hot.
It must be my environment or maybe its God - no its probably totally God, but I could have lost it today in all the madness. Amazingly I wasn't that bothered and we got out in a timely fashion!

I don't know what'll happen in the next couple of weeks and I hope my patience holds out! I can tell something is verging on the horizon and in some ways it could be great or it could be not so great. My workload will increase because one of my co-workers is due to have her baby at any moment and I don't think she'll be back next week. I'm not ready for her to go (she'll be back! She better!!) because I can vent to her and she listens to me. So it might be a little lonely for 3 months. December can't be here fast enough for her return, but December can stay away for awhile because Oh boy! Another holiday!!

Jesus, thank you for the patience you have given me. Its truly God given because I think I could have snapped this week but I didn't. Whatever you are doing - keep doing it!

Neverending Thoughts are just that - NEVERENDING

While I would hate to use my own blog's name as a title -- I couldn't help it.

Lately my mind has been a jumble of thoughts, words, stresses, worries, faith, doubt, hope and well just plain thoughts about nothing.
I think when you are backed into a corner aka: the Unknown you start to think about every possible solution to the issue that backed you into that corner.

At times I wonder if I could really step out and totally try something new and would I have the guts to do it. Whatever trying something new is I don't know, but I do know that I feel like I'm laboring pretty hard at doing nothing.

Have you ever had that time in your life where you are just completely bored with how life is going and how you are living? Like you don't think you are making ANY progress at living -- like really Living not just living. I'm not talking about the whole 'live everyday to the fullest' type of living, I think I'm mostly talking about Living with a sense that you are living. That probably doesn't make sense, but in my thoughts lately it makes sense.

I've had so many ideas lately I'm starting to wonder if I need to start penning them down in a journal or something! (which is why I'm absolutely believing a laptop will just land into my lap!)

But most of my ideas are stemming from one thing and one thing I hate to admit - envy.
Yes I envy my husband right now.
I was telling him the other day that if I had the opportunity he is having right now (being w/out work but still getting unemployment in the process!) what I would do with my free time. I think for a guy its not so easy to think like how we do, but for me its like COME ON!! DO something already! I hate to say I wish I was in his shoes because I don't wish that on anyone, but I'm starting to feel that way.
Maybe I just want the luxury of being able to sleep in and do nothing all day if I so choose.
The sleeping in would be nice.

I'm almost exhausted by life sometimes but if I was really being honest with myself I'm not living. I think its because I've also seen a few people that I know just go off and start living their dreams. Moving to new states or new countries even and just living a dream. Sure its not easy for them, but they are doing it! They decided to scrap what the nay-sayers say and just do it.

Which is why I wonder what can I do that would make me finally take a huge leap outside of my usual life and try something new. I don't necessarily have to move out, but I could do something and try to push myself. At the very least just trying it half of my battle.

New Chapter

I think I have a twisted way of looking at life all of a sudden. Not in a bad, way. More like a very thoughtful and "well whatever" sort of way.
Bring it on I suppose!

I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of where this new chapter in our life is going, but I have to grin and bear it. I know God knows better then I do about our future and as much as it pains me to have to go thru another chapter similar to the last chapter......its just how it is.

Now I wonder how our life is going to go from here.
How can we make it?
How are we going to survive?
When I ask myself those questions the amazing answer is always "God." Just simply God. If I don't have anything, at the very least we have God.
Sometimes I feel like these lyrics:
Strong on the outside
But coming apart at the seams
That's me
Tragically always together
But bruised underneath
That's me
I stand just to stumble
I trip on my pride
Why do I always try to hide
(Natalie Grant "Meanwhile back at my heart")

Part of me feels a little like God is pushing me SO FAR out of my comfort zone that I can't do anything but start to dream again. Some of my days are spent lazing around the house moping telling myself that life is only fun if you have money to spend. Such a lie and such a waste.
I have seen a few people who I don't know really well, but I see them off and living their dreams.
So I have to ask myself -- what is my dream now?
And what exactly is stopping me from going out and obtaining that dream?
Is it my house?
Nope. We could lose it in the next few months or until BoA tells us to move out because we are going to stop making payments on it. So really nothing is tying us to here.
Is it my job?
not really. James doesn't have a job anymore and his job just isn't sticking anymore anymore so jobs are not tying us down.
Is it family?
again, not really. Yes because my mom would be crushed if we moved away or something, but no because no one really visits us nor do we visit them. Family hasn't always been a big thing in our lives anyway so aside from our little family of 3 - we are it.

So that's a long way of saying there is nothing standing in the way of becoming that person God truly wants me to be and to stop settling for mediocre. There is a huge part of me telling the part of me that has small visions and glimpses of dreams at times that whispers all those dreams I once had and intended to do.
What I've come to remember about myself is that when I allow it, I'm a really neat person and I have this personality and face that draws people to me. I need to use this to my advantage!! I need to take myself out of ME and start to focus on others.

There are times when I snicker at who people think I am. When I wonder why they put so much stock in me. I have to remind myself day in and day out that I'm a favored women of God and God wants to bless whatever I put my hand to. Its so hard to accept though....

So when I get over my fears which hopefully will be soon because I'm running short on time and short on funds! -- who knows what I can achieve.

Do you know my biggest dream?
To write a book.
I have 2 great plots in my mind that I know are God inspired. I just need to somehow put those ideas and story lines and start writing.
And my fears get in my way.
How lame is that?
Fear is so powerful, yet so powerless. I have allowed it to rule my life for so long. Its time to use my talents God has given me and breathe life into those dreams. After all, reality is our future depends on it.

So here's to the new chapter. A chapter that might be filled with little money, state care, food stamps and not knowing if we'll have a place to live tomorrow - but a chapter that God is saying Jump.

Let thy Children Go

oh its been awhile. But I'm reopening the Crazy Neighbor lady files.
Now you'll start reading my blog again now won't you?!

Did I mention neighbor lady had a baby? Yeah back in October. Another boy. she has 3 now. Poor lady.

So her oldest son is the one that drives us all crazy because he's really immature and whines about needing his mom and its enough to make you question his age. But yet he's over 5"5' and weighs probably as much as a full grown adult. he's a big kid. His dad is tall so he was bound to be tall anyway.

Anyway, Noah will be off to camp this summer like he was last year and neighbor lady was discussing with us about him going to camp. When did we discuss this? Oh I'm so glad you asked. See her kids came to Noah's birthday party which was held at my dad's house. But because they didn't know my dad they didn't feel comfortable leaving their kids with us and originally weren't going to let them come. Well word is they prayed about it (yes, they prayed about this) and I guess God gave them the clearance they needed to let the kids come. So they were dropped off, but neighbor lady and husband showed back up about 40min later and proceeded to park themselves near the kids with us.
*Sigh*
Whatever though.
I didn't have to watch the kids swimming now which was a plus. I wasn't really watching them anyway.
Back to the camp story.
So somehow camp came up and hubby and I were raving on and on about how great Camp Gilead is and how much fun Noah had....basically making it out to be the best thing for a kid. Here is how the conversation went:
Neighbor lady: "so can you call the kids or stop by?"
Me: " noo....its camp. Its only a week."
Neighbor lady: "well I don't think I could handle that. That's a long time to not speak to your kids."
Me: "well, its good for the kids."
Neighbor lady: "I just don't think I could do it. I would need to talk to them."
Me: "you can't call them. They have rules about this. It makes the kids feel homesick if you are calling them. Only emergency calls only."
Neighbor lady: "I don't know..."

Me (in my head) "Are you kidding me? this is CAMP! Let the kids go have a good time w/out you! What the heck would you need to talk to them about anyway?? Let the kids live and be KIDS!?"

Conversation was pretty much over after that because I was a little disgusted. No wonder the oldest kid is so needy and whiny - she feeds that to him! Bleech.
And hubby can't figure out why I won't go have dinner with them. Hello?! I don't want to watch a 12 yr old be treated like a 12month old. No thanks. Not my type of parent. It took everything in me to not comment about how it was "time to cut the cord." That would be just plain mean. I understand its rough to let your kids go away to things like camp or whatever, but honestly Noah is a better kid and WAY more well rounded because we DO let him go. AND its good for me and Hubby. We need time away from him for goodness sake. I'd go crazy if I couldn't have my alone time away from him and Noah would go crazy if I was smothering him.
Noah looks forward to go away and be a kid and be around a ton of kids. He loves it and honestly I love letting him Go.
Last year we had no concerns about leaving him at a camp where he knew no one and we had never even heard of Camp Gilead. But I knew God was all over that camp and had such a peace about it that we had no concerns. And we burned rubber OUT of the camp!! hahahaha -- no joke either. No sense in giving room for him to change his mind! He didn't by the way. He was having too much fun to even think about us!
And in the end when we went to pick him up and they did a little video and a praise and worship presentation of all the songs they knew with hand movements -- just broke my heart (in a good way) to see all those kids having a BLAST and sing their hearts out for God. This IS a great thing we can let our kids do.
There is nothing better then seeing about 50 kids worshipping and trying to sing louder then their neighbor....its like Balm to the soul...
sort of like the name Gilead:

*In the Bible "Gilead" means hill of testimony or mound of witness.

Come On - that is awesome! Who wouldn't want their kid to experience that?? Neighbor lady - heed the call from Moses, "let my people go!" So let your kids go and enjoy camp - any camp!

Semi Charmed Life

I got to thinking the other day to look at my life thru other people's eyes. And I wondered what they thought....


So I decided that people probably think I'm just this Goodie-2-shoe type person and in my mind I try So hard to push away from that image.


Its not a bad image for sure. I just wish I knew HOW I give off this "goodie vibe" and people latch onto it.


I'm not saying I'm wanting to Go bad or something and become some cussing sailor and start drinking -- nothing like that. Just wish I knew what I did or do when I met people to come off looking like some sweet nun.


My family would say I'm NOT like that at all. Clearly they know me all too well and know my "dark" side that people haven't seen before. And some of you reading this are saying to yourself - "don't be deceived people! This chicks WHACK!"


So I thought I would tell you a little about myself that might seem a little less nun like. :O So here I go...a darker side to myself:

• I like to listen to rap music. I like to be that person in the car that you are trying to figure out where the rap music is coming from bumping near you. I secretly desire a small tube in my trunk to help pump up the bass. Seriously. Not like crazy dirty rap -- I don't do that junk, but I like some rap.


• I said the "F" word today. I cuss a lot when I think about BoA. Its like a hand in hand sort of thing. You know I'm REALLY upset and angry when I start dropping the F-bombs. I'm not proud of this. In fact, I couldn't forget about it all afternoon. Man I cant' stand talking to them. UGH.

And thats about all I got. Its funny how we associate actions with being bad like cussing or listening to rap music. They are not necessarily bad, but they might not be healthy! Or wise. Yeah the whole cussing thing probably isn't in my best interest.

Excuse me while I go accept my award for being an amazing person while I secretly loathe myself inside for saying the F-word to BoA this afternoon. Thats how my life has been lately. Yep. Got a lot of work to do.

Just keep Giving...just keep giving

So I was moping around tonight all crazy snappy and rude to my family ( even the dogs avoided me at ALL costs ) so I gave up and took a bath.

While in the bath I read my usual book of Chicken Soul for the Soul. I have A LOT of these books and I love them. They remind me that I need to be better at look at my life and what I'm doing with it.

While I was pitying myself and our situation God reminded me as I got out to "Just keep Giving. Just keep Giving" in all circumstances and situations. No matter what we go thru -- never stop giving because you never know who you might reach one day.

So we'll keep giving. Giving all that we have until God takes breath from us. Because truly there is no excuse to not give something of ourselves - if we can't give things, we can give time and for those who can't give time they can give things. Nuff said.

Thanks God.

I needed the reminder and thank you for those chicken soup books. They remind me to never give up and strive to better at life.

~Dory is from Finding Nemo and owns that picture.

Give a Sista a BREAK already!

Ok so I'm going to try my hardest to write this and not speak death over this situation. But I need some sort of outlet to vent where I'm at right now.

James is going to be out of work this week for indefinitely at this point yet again.

I hadn't thought much about it when he said he was going to be out of work, but now I feel some of those same emotions and sense of panic trying to set in on me and I can't go there.

I'm so weary and tired about this no work thing I can't even talk about it in a way that makes sense.

Long story short - he has no unemployment. He used it all up including the extension in the last out of work saga.

I'm just praying that this only lasts a week like we thought and all will be well in the world again.

Its one of those things where you don't want to wait to plan how to handle this, but I also don't want to jump the gun.
that I why I'm trying as hard as I can to get a grip on my emotions about this. No sense in worrying about tomorrow right Matthew 6:25??

Printed out that scripture and it'll be posted in many places around the house I think. Or at least tattooed on my forehead!!!

Ok.
thanks for letting me say something. Regardless of what happens, I can't stand in the way of what God wants. Today we celebrate our freedom as a Nation and you know what? I'm proud to be an American!

Memorial Day Madness

So this weekend was the most eventful and uneventful weekend I've had in a long time.

Preparing for this yard sale has been insane and the type of undertaking that I would have NEVER thought I would have commited to. It was a month long process of gathering donations, pricing donations, seperating donations, getting tables, advertising, begging for support, thanking the masses and long nights of doing nothing but Yard Sale Yard sale YARD SALE.

But it worked and paid off big time.
We managed to get about $1000 in one day for a wet cold Saturday. Thats pretty amazing!

But it wasn't us, it was God and everyone else who helped and got this thing going. We have to do another one to clean out what is left, but it was a GREAT start. Can't wait to take the money to Noah's school to be like, "take this off his 2010 tuition!! WHOOHOO!!"

Here are some highlights of that day:
-the lady who bought the pole dancing book (don't ask) and stated that it was for when she gets a man she'll put it to good use.
-the poodle who was going to barf and the owner ran it outside to the yard to puke. The lady said he was car sick.
-The 2 drunk guys at around 1pm James convienced to buy the push mower we had. they clearly didn't know better.
-the lady who gave me $5 just because she wanted to help out.

I'm sure I could go on and on, but I'm still so exhausted from this last month I can't even hardly think anymore. Thank goodness the hard parts are over and done with. A 2nd sale is going to be a breeze. ;)

God is Good....All the Time

That is a quote that a Pastor I used to know said ALL the time! i'm sure you've heard it said at church too! ;)

But in all seriousness here are some example of why God is good ALL the time.

For those of you who don't know James got his job back. He is actually working for a company he worked for about 5 yrs ago when we first go married. He had a friend there who we've kept in touch with over the years and he knew our situation and recommended James back. And as God saw Fit, it happened.
And just in the nick of time too.
James was scheduled to run out of his unemployement (his extension unemployement) this week which is 2.5 months SOONER then we anticipated.

God really does supply in the last possible second and now I can say its true.

That same week James was offered a job one of my bosses at work gave us money for Noah's school. I had sent out an email thanking everyone that is close to me at work for understanding me during this past year of James being out of work. From that email I got the money. I had written in there we were still having the yard sale to raise money for Noah's school because there is no sense trying to raise money for something we still need money for!!

Then we got 2 large donations of stuff from people we don't even know. I had posted an ad on CL asking for stuff that people didn't want to sell at their own sale and voila - I get 2-4 responses. The one guy's stuff we picked up last weekend -- Holy SMOKES! It was A LOT of stuff. I won't get rich off of it, but every little bit helps for sure. It was incredible because we had to make 2 trips. yes that much stuff. Today we are picking up 3 more stops of donations. Of what we don't know but thats what makes this fun.
Its funny because I didn't think putting myself out there would do anything but it did. God did.
He responded and made it happen because I put myself out there in faith believing that we'll get a response and we did. But I had to take that first step asking for help.

I've had to add Noah to my healthcare plan at work because we were denied care thru the state. James's medical won't kick in again until sometime this fall so we had applied for DSHS about a month back when we still didn't know what was going to happen with James's job situation. We were denied because we made too much money even on unemployment -- go figure right?
That same week James got his job offer I got Noah's benefits card from the state in the mail. I haven't been able to reach them to confirm it wasn't in error that we got it, but isn't that incredible? We were denied and I'm having to pay out of my check $300 a month for Noah's care and then we get that card in the mail.
Its absolutely amazing.
Again, God did it.
God made it happen because usually Government agencies don't make mistakes in my favor!!

Our neighbor paid James $100 to help them sell their mini-van that is broken by parting it out and dealing with the people asking for info on it.

Noah's school granted us another $600 for his school scholarship in addition to what they already were offering us.

We dont' know what is going to happen with BoA and that whole drama. We called yesterday and yet again we are still "In Review."
My suspicion is they can see we are still making payments and haven't missed any so they don't see the urgency in getting us approved for anything. Time to consider other options before they figure out that we are now a 2 income family again.

Man...the list could go on.

Would I say that this is now our season of harvest?
Well no not yet. We need to be wise and cautious of all that God is blessing us with and just remember all we went thru.

However it doesn't mean we won't keep giving God the Glory in the process.

Today I thank you for your prayers while we went thru this stuff..... You were a part of this too!! You played a part in helping us reach this point. With your agreement and prayers it wasn't as hard. While sometimes I felt like I was going to snap I could feel your prayers. Thank you and thank you over and over again.

We are so blessed!!

Who I Am

Do you know I've been writing this blog since Aug of 2005?
That's a really long time in blog world. Sure I jumped on the blog wave when it was at its crest and have continued it since its started to fizzle out, but this blog in so many ways has made me be Me.

So I went away this weekend by myself down to Seaside, Or. I've gone there alone before and yes I travel alone. Weird? Nah. I even went so far as to when I was on my trip to the Philippines I would go and explore by myself in the surrounding areas. Not very smart looking back, but I guess in some ways I've fearless like that. Its the ONE area I'm fearless in. Won't be jumping from buildings or anything like that. Don't go crazy now.

I had a lot of time to think about myself this weekend. Too much time really.

The past 4-5 months I've learned a lot about myself and I've come to realize I've changed a lot.
I was talking one day with my co-workers and my boss about Church and it was more of a general conversation but one of my co-workers said, "Kahler. People want to be you."
I didn't know what to say to that.
My initial response was, "No they don't. Not if they really knew me."

So this weekend God brought some of those thoughts I've been struggling with - those thoughts if people knew me they wouldn't want to be me - to the forefront of my mind and made me deal with them. Right off the bat too. I was listening to a Podcast and BAM. yep I had to repent right there in the car before I could go on listening to my sermon.
Glad to get that out of my thought life though.
Pesky little thoughts.

But I got to thinking, do people really want to be me? I mean really? Would like want someone intimated me and my ways? Well, some ways YES! I want people to give and bless and give of their time and so on.
But even I suck at that sometimes. ;)
Being humble is the key here right?!

Last week I was blessed with 2 awards at work and it was really hard for me to take all the accolade and praises from my peers. But at the same time it was the best to be recognized for all my hard work and all that I do on a daily basis. I know I was considered the underdog to even get the awards in the first place, but I hope I came off like Carrie Underwood would when she wins all these awards and all you can think about is how much you STILL like her even though she sweeps all the awards. You just don't care because she's so sweet!!! That's where I hope I was when I won those awards. It was touching for sure..... I won't forget that anytime soon.

But after that award show someone came up to me and said, "That's why you win these awards. Its because of how you respond." He was trying to say I was being humble and I just sort of brush what I do under the rug -- aka: Change subject quickly!!!

I don't know what it is about Me that makes people like me at all. Sometimes I think about how I am at home with my family and am ashamed at that person. That person is not who people think I am. I have to try harder here at home to be that person in both places. I can't be "On" at work and not the same way at home, then I'm just selling my family short on how I can really treat them. Yes, its hard to be "On" all the time, but if that's truly who I am, then why not?

I think I've had enough praise lately though.
I'm afraid the more I get, the more annoyed those around me might get at work. You know how it is, everyones eyes start rolling when yet again the "chosen one" gets another praise report. I don't want it to reach THAT level, but maybe just enough praises to keep me going. ;)

Scaling Back

I've written probably more then a few times on my other blog about living simply and living with less. Well, now that we are doing some serious spring cleaning to get us ready for our Yard Sale to raise money for Noah's school, I'm feeling this big need to really scale down on all that we own and no more justifying why we have stuff we really probably don't need.

I was thinking on my drive home tonight from Seaside that I have 2 different sets of measuring cups and 3 large measure cups in my cupboard. Why do I have so many anyway?? I'm sure some were given as gifts and some may have come as a gift with purchase at one time, but honestly why do I need SO many measure cups or ways to measure?? Its a bit silly.

Going thru Noah's clothes tonight I'm amazed at how many clothes he has and yet he really only wears a handful of those clothes. I counted more polo shirts with Tags on them then I want to admit to. He has to wear collared shirts for chapel and I pick them up here and there when I find them on sale. Clearly I've picked up a few TOO many over the years. He has literally like 2-3 in the same color and same size! What I was thinking there? I mean if I was truly shopping smart I would have bought him the same colored shirt in different sizes. Hello?! UGH. Either way I shuffled his shirts around in hopes he'll reach for some shirt he hasn't worn..Oh EVER..and stop wearing the same 4 shirts every week.

There is something truly liberating when you open your closet or a drawer and it opens easily and you can SEE things like Space! Brilliant I know! Its almost like we are going against the ways to the world. Good thing too.

This Yard Sale idea might be on the crazy side really. I'm asking people to give us their stuff so I can sell it and collect the money in a massive sale. It could be a colossal success or an Epic Failure. I'm going to try to remain as positive Polly as I can about this and believe that God'll met us half way and supply us with the remaining $4000 we need for Noah's school. And if that means I sell pretty much whatever isn't bolted down at our house then so be it.
We don't know where we'll be in a year, but if there is one thing I want to remain constant its that Noah will be in his school. This is his last year before he moves into Jr/Sr high school and I really want this to be the year of Faith for him and for us.
I'm going against traditional thinking by doing a yard sale, but also going against what people consider "correct" for the situation we are in.

My dad thinks we shouldn't put Noah in his school next year and save our money or use the money towards other stuff considering our situation with Hubby's lack of work. But I don't care. I know God wants Noah there and I believe its a huge investment into Noah and his future. If God wants him there then he'll make it happen I know it. So far the school has gone above and BEYOND in blessing us with a large scholarship that made a good sized dent into this next school years tuition. I know right there its the start we need to get this Faith ball a rollin.

Oddly enough when I think about Noah's school, I don't worry about the finances for that. I just know its going to happen. I just need to transfer that thinking into our house stuff!

In some ways with all this craziness we've been going thru with BoA and the modification program and the time I spent away this weekend, I'm starting to accept things are going to change this year in ways I have never seen before. Some of those ways are not going ot be good, but some things are going to be very good. This month, the month of May, is going to be pivotal. We are going to have the yard sale on the 29th, I'm going to a women's conference the weekend before that date and this might be the month we decide if we are going to default on our mortgage in June.

I don't know where God is moving us or where he'll allow us to go, but in whatever direction we go I trust he'll walk with us thru it. This is small potatoes compared to what some people deal with on a daily basis.

Dear Silent Investor:

You don't know me personally.

You do know my home or at the very least you are familiar with my home loan. I thought I would give you a little bit about us while you are determining if you are willing to allow my loan to be modified. Maybe if you had a face or a picture it might make this decision a little easier.

This house is located in a neighborhood that people dream about. Tree lined from beginning to end, houses with big yards, sidewalks on each side of the street, 2 parks within walking distance and of course, close to shopping and within walking distance of an elementary school and Jr High.

This is the home that the mortgage you invested in is paying for. Its a 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath with a good sized garage. We are on about 3/4 of an acre with a fully fenced backyard.

We have 4 dogs that love that backyard and love to roam the fenceline and bark at everyone walking past. We have chickens back there as well and loads of kids come thru and play back there as well. Here is a picture of the backyard. Its big isn't it? Almost looks like a park back there really. We are very lucky to have a home with a yard and is what drew us to the house.

There is a sprinkler system, brand new windows, new trim and molding throughout the home. here is a picture of some of the trim work my husband did when we moved in. This picture is old because we now have the new windows and a new chandelier. As you can see we've taken a lot of pride in all we've added to the house and all we've put into it. We made the master bath a 5 piece bath for you -- originally it was only a 4 piece bath, but had lots of room to add an additional sink. Adds more value for you.

We want to redo the kitchen as it has very little cupboard space, but we don't think we want to put any additional value into a home that you might take away from us. But if we do get our loan modified just know we'll make it a great kitchen and you'll be glad you kept us in this house.

We want to stay here. Its truly a happy house. Our son who will be 12 this summer has friends all over the neighborhood and it would crush him to have to leave. Plus he just loves Puyallup - thats where the house is located at - and loves all that Puyallup has to offer him as a kid.

Our dogs love it too. They love all the room to roam and all the sidewalks to go for long walks.

There are also many homes in our neighborhood that have been foreclosed upon. We don't want this house to be added to that list. The foreclosed homes look so sad and empty. One house still has some of the previous owners clothes and a piano sitting in the corner. Obviously they couldn't take that with them. The whole idea of being forced out of your home is heartbreaking, but we are willing to do what we can to stay here.

Our story is pretty typical, husband lost his job last June. He was doing construction and as everyone knows that industry is pretty much at a stand-still. His unemployment has been extended but is running out in July. I'm going to stop making payments in July just so you know. My time to continue paying is running out and your time to help me modify this loan is running out too. I do have a job, but not a job that can support a home of this size. While we search for a job for my husband its been tight, but we've made do however we can. God is good to us and provides all our needs.

Please help this modification to go thru and go thru quickly. I don't want my stellar credit score to go down the tubes because of the situation we are in. I don't want to anyone to think we are not trying and in no way shape or form do we feel like we deserve or are entitled to this program, but you hold the keys either way.

Please do what you think is best, but just know that we would love to stay here for awhile longer. Please let that happen.

Love,

The Davis Family

Defeated

beaten or overcome; not victorious; "the defeated enemy"
people who are defeated; "the Romans had no pity for the defeated"
disappointingly unsuccessful; "disappointed expectations and thwarted ambitions"; "their foiled attempt to capture Calais"; "many frustrated poets end as pipe-smoking teachers"; "his best efforts were thwarted"

that is how dictionary.com defines defeated. I believe I'm relating to the "Disappointed expectations and thwarted ambitions" portion of that definition.

I know ya'all are sick about hearing from me concerning my mortgage and trust me I'm sick of it too, but I'm literally feeling a sense of defeat at this point. This could quite possibly be where God wants me right now....Because at this point I'm on my knees begging for an answer or direction.

Nothing really happened with BoA, just that I finally asked them what our payments could end up being and what could happen once it FINALLY goes thru and their response was not favorable. Basically we'd save maybe $250 a month...that's it. That's how long they will end up going. That's not very much. Not to mention they would extend our loan even further then where its at right now (think: those fancy car loans that magically get lower payments but then when you sign on the dotted line you realize its going to be a 7 year car loan. Just like that).

That's a really round about way of saying we are in a place where I need to decide or James needs to settle for any job no matter what the pay. Period.

Honestly part of me just wants to sell his house. But then of course the other part of me is so incredibly grieved by that thought. This is our first real home...its our first house, we were in a condo we bought originally, but this was a our forever home. But it never felt like forever. For some reason when we moved in I always knew it wouldn't be forever....maybe even then over 5 yrs ago God was preparing me for this very day. I don't know.

This situation doesn't define me or make me who I am today though. If we lose our house we lose our house -- that doesn't mean my life is over. Yes my credit score is over, but my life will go on and people do it every day!

Nothing is final right now however, BoA has not finalized or even given us the green light that we are "approved." Things are still moving very slowly. Very slowly.

Like frozen syrup outside in Antarctica sort of slowly.

Dear God please let James get a job interview. Thanks.

That's my prayer. Simple but to the point.

More later Peeps!

Mortgage Maddness

Ok this whole mortgage situation is making me want to go crazy.
Literally.
I wouldn't be surprised if people have lost their minds while dealing with the whole mortgage process thru BofA. I'm pretty sure I'm going to join the ranks eventually.

What I think is sad is how numb I'm becoming to all this. Defense Mechanism I'm sure. If I was being attacked by a bear I would just pretend to be dead and i'm pretty sure that's where I'm at right now.

I mean sheesh BofA, give me a little slack here and let my brain have some peace. Of course I torment myself by reading endless stories of the mortgage process not working or BofA taking a person's house by mistake.

So I've decided to get smart and educate myself as much as possible on all the programs that are out there and use what I know or see thru the news against BofA when they try to "play the upper hand" and use my own circumstances against me.

I'm tired of being put down when we haven't done anything wrong. I still make my payments, make them on time, always pay in full and have never defaulted, but instead we are being treated like the dirt on their shoes. I can't let them win because there is a God out there who DOES care about this situation and its time to stand up and take action.

Here me BofA -- I'm out to outsmart you and use yourself against you!!! Here I COME!!!