Now its time to say Good-bye....

Its time to say Good-Bye....I'm ready to print my blog now in a book and then I'm going to delete this blog.

It has a lot of great memories. A lot of fun and funny times, but also a lot of heartache too.

I can't for sure how much longer I'll keep this blog up but I figured it was a great time to close this chapter in this "book."

Marcie's Neverending Thoughts on Things - you have been good to me and I will forever be grateful for the outlet you have given me.

Blessings

Long Term Unemployment....

So hubby has been out of work since June 2009 at this point.....and its really starting to wear on us. Ok probably more on me since he's in school now but I can't help feeling this horrible sense of panic all the time when it comes to when his benefits are going to eventually exhaust themselves. I know its not that far off - we figure he'll be out of every possible benefit (including training benefits) by November of 2011. Yay for a REALLY frugal Christmas! I think what wears me the most is the whole "people are getting by but yet we love it." OK for the first year it was awesome maybe. We learned to go without and have cut a ton out of our lives, but now its just getting old. I'll admit I'm tired of hanging out at home all the time. I'm weary of being cold and wishing I could just use the heat w/out wondering how bad that bill will end up being! Btu when I start listing that sort of stuff I think of those out there who don't have a home or a bed to even sleep in and I'm reminded that my situation is pretty sweet. I have access to a Food Bank weekly and we do use it every 2 weeks or so. I'm not ashamed to use it because it does help. Sure not everything there is great but getting bread for free is a HUGE savings because we can always make food with bread and for cheap! I have a house. I have heat - nothing is shut off. I have clothes on my back and can easily go to the Goodwill during the $0.99 day and buy a few things if I need to. Things are not that bad. I've just had to be creative and yes its hard. Its scary but somehow we are getting thru. My lack of motivation is probably the MOST scary. Life goes on. I'm learning to really like beans and get WAY more creative with them! being a vegetarian has some pluses when you can't just go out and shop every day! And besides that - I have food in my cupboard. thats not saying much for those really in need. My heart absolutely breaks for them and that tap water I'm drinking ain't so bad. ok I'm done talking myself out of my hole. thanks people.

Motivation or lack there of.....

So i haven't blogged since the end of Jan. Wow...its been awhile.

I've honestly wanted to sit down and just pour out my soul but meh...my motivation is just SHOT some...ok most days.

I watched a video about a comedian who talked about how she was diagnosed with clinical depression. My first thought was if a comedian can become depressed maybe I'm not that far away from the same thing!

now I'm not anywhere near being clinically depressed - I can get out of bed in the mornings and I don't cry day in and day out. I think what I'm feeling is a sense of "Job having guilt."

Doesn't that sound odd?

I seriously think I'm sad that I have a job and hubby is lacking in that area.

And I'm secretly jealous he's going to school for a new career when I feel like I'm stuck in the same type of career I've done since I started working - good ol' Customer service!

Its not that I don't love my job - I love the place I work. but I wouldn't say I love what I do. I feel bad because not only am I good at what I do - I seriously get rewarded for it. Which in turn makes me feel guilty I'm doing so well and hubby cannot experience this himself!!!

That makes little sense I know, but its true. i see friends around me who are losing their jobs and it breaks me to think they are not going thru all the amazing stuff I am.

now mind you, I realize God is blessing me and I'm finally going thru my season of blessing when it comes to my job. I'm finally being rewarded for doing what i do best....and yet I'm sad. what is wrong with me?!?!

Probably almost close to that time of the month I'm guessing.

So I'm unmotivated to do much but sit around these days when I get home from work.

I feel such a lack of "why bother" and its not because of my situation or anything like that I just need something ANYTHING to get me to do something.

I volunteer every Wednesday for the juvenile courts so that's still there and I'm working when needed on the side for the Pug Rescue, but aside from those things I don't know what else is out there I could focus on.

Got any ideas?

Aside from running. I don't think I could do that right now. ;)

Ok so a few of you have commented on what all my big changes are for 2011 when I posted that on New Years Day.

Some involve James & I and the rest are for Noah. I thought I would list them out!

1.Noah now has a chores he has to wear - no more excuses on "I forgot" or "you didn't tell me!" Little tired of hearing that excuse.
2.Noah has 1 hr of Video Games & 1 hour of TV per day (yes on weekends even.
3.Noah has to read 1/2 every day no matter what.
4.We pray with him and read from the bible every night now. We are using the 1 min bible for his reading. Eventually he will do this on his own when it becomes habit.
5.(this ones a biggie) He has to say "ma'am" or "Sir" when he answers us or another adult. time to show some respect to our elders AND he's having a little trouble answering or using spoken word when asked to do something. He's gotten very good at pouting instead.
6.James & I now have to pray together every night - we should be doing this anyway, but TV and laziness has gotten in the way of that time together.
7.James Noah and I are keeping a detailed prayer journal and we are going to date/respond to each prayer that is answered. Prayers could be anything - things we need/want or people we know or family needs, etc. You can offer yourself to be put on this list too!
8.We are going on our 2 week "No Spending Fast" this Sunday. We hope to break some bad habits quickly. Fast might continue to happen monthly if need be.
9.Its time to clean out the pantry again and go thru and use all that is in there. This is a good time of year to do it especially after the holidays when we usually stock it up.
10.I will lost 10lbs hopefully by June. I realize that is a far off goal, but its so I can visit my good buddy Melissa in California. (California trip is on the prayer list by the way)
11.We are going to grow our Repurposed in Puyallup Business as much as we can with projects as quickly as we can. We are praying mighty hard about the future of that.
12.Prayers for James' schooling is So huge right now. Just needing direction on the future of if he should keep going and where.
13.I need to start riding my bike again to work. James's class schedule this quarter allows him to take Noah to school so time for me to dust off ol'trusty.
14.I need a new bike. See above. But paying for a good new bike is not in the plans. I need one that is made for my height which they DO make but I'm so short they don't come cheap. Go figure you pay extra for having less of a bike. So to the prayer list it goes...
15.We are praying for resolution about our house. Its still up in the air 2 years later and we cannot even get an offer from BofA. ITs heartbreaking and frustrating. this one is truly up to God and not really a BIG Change, but it could be.
16.Trying to come up with Money making ideas. We are considering taking on a renter in the house with us. That would be a HUGE change for us, but we need the $$ to pay our mortgage.

There is more I'm sure but I can't think of anything right now. I'll keep you posted on how it all goes. I can say Noah has sort of taken to some of the things I listed above. the chore thing he's getting better on because he can't forget anything anymore. Here's to 2011 People!!

Giving OUT

This Christmas I decided I wanted to go big and get others to go big with me! I'm going to bless whoever I come in contact with my doing something everyday for 25 days. The 25 days until Christmas.

So far I have found that I really need to think about actually doing something for people each day. It doesn't have to involve money or anything like that, but coming up with things to do is what I'm struggling with.
How can I bless someone with a simple act?
It doesn't have to be memorable, but that does help! But I also have to remind myself that I don't have to be memorable - I just have to stop thinking about myself and what I can do for someone else.
Its very difficult I've found and its only been 2 days. But I do like trying to be creative and still be somewhat sneaky where people don't expect it!
thats the fun part!

It could be worse...

I've decided to take on a new mantra with renewing my mind these days. After reading a story in a chicken soup for the soul book, I got to thinking that I still have a lot of stinkin' thinkin going on at times.
Mostly pity me thoughts that disgust me after awhile.

So here's my theory:

When i start to complain and/or whine about something in my life I'm going to say, "It could be worse..." and follow it up with something that is worse then what I'm going thru.
For example: my skin has been incredibly broken out lately and I seriously start to whine in my head about. So now when I start to think...."these zits are driving me crazy...." I'll remind myself that I could have open sores on my face or body like some do in other countries who don't have access to health care.
Or when I complain about my weight, I can remind myself that at least I have food to feast upon in the first place.

You see where I'm going.
Basically I need to remind myself to STOP thinking so poorly about myself. I can't love myself unconditionally if I can't even get past the zits on my face or the stain in my jeans! God wants me to love myself unconditionally and see myself as he sees me -- clearly I'm not doing that at times.
And its not just appearance stuff, I also need to remind myself about general stuff that is going on in my life too like James's job situation or where the next paycheck will come from. Instead I'll be counting my blessings and thanking God for all He HAS given me.

maybe this "worse off" thinkin will help you too. At the very least maybe it'll help you think about others.

I need this T-shirt. If you want it - go HERE.