Motivation or lack there of.....

So i haven't blogged since the end of Jan. Wow...its been awhile.

I've honestly wanted to sit down and just pour out my soul but meh...my motivation is just SHOT some...ok most days.

I watched a video about a comedian who talked about how she was diagnosed with clinical depression. My first thought was if a comedian can become depressed maybe I'm not that far away from the same thing!

now I'm not anywhere near being clinically depressed - I can get out of bed in the mornings and I don't cry day in and day out. I think what I'm feeling is a sense of "Job having guilt."

Doesn't that sound odd?

I seriously think I'm sad that I have a job and hubby is lacking in that area.

And I'm secretly jealous he's going to school for a new career when I feel like I'm stuck in the same type of career I've done since I started working - good ol' Customer service!

Its not that I don't love my job - I love the place I work. but I wouldn't say I love what I do. I feel bad because not only am I good at what I do - I seriously get rewarded for it. Which in turn makes me feel guilty I'm doing so well and hubby cannot experience this himself!!!

That makes little sense I know, but its true. i see friends around me who are losing their jobs and it breaks me to think they are not going thru all the amazing stuff I am.

now mind you, I realize God is blessing me and I'm finally going thru my season of blessing when it comes to my job. I'm finally being rewarded for doing what i do best....and yet I'm sad. what is wrong with me?!?!

Probably almost close to that time of the month I'm guessing.

So I'm unmotivated to do much but sit around these days when I get home from work.

I feel such a lack of "why bother" and its not because of my situation or anything like that I just need something ANYTHING to get me to do something.

I volunteer every Wednesday for the juvenile courts so that's still there and I'm working when needed on the side for the Pug Rescue, but aside from those things I don't know what else is out there I could focus on.

Got any ideas?

Aside from running. I don't think I could do that right now. ;)