Life Journal

** Disclaimer: As you might have already guessed from the title of my blog, I tend to be lengthy. This post is no exception. And no you can't just breeze thru this entry--its a heavy one!! You've been warned! :) **

So they have these devotional journals at my church called Life Journals & I finally broke down awhile ago & bought one. They are not expensive, I was just being lazy & thought it would be too complicated. They're $5 and you do a read thru the bible in a year & write down scriptures that might strike your fancy & your thoughts about it.
So I started doing it this last week just because I figured what have I got to lose. I need something structured so to speak & something to follow along with. This is the perfect example of that.

I'll be the first one to admit that I suck at reading the bible. Typically when I read it, I'm so floored by how different things were back then & how I don't quite still to this day understand what its saying to me.
I do know that I should be reading my bible more then ever before. Obviously the longer you are a Christian the harder the storms are going to become & unless I have something to combat those storms, I'm pretty much sunk. No pun intended.

I have to admit I actually remember one scripture that struck me & it isn't even one of those scriptures that you'd see emblazed on a T-shirt or a bumper sticker just something simple that struck me. It just plainly said that God saw all the giving that a man had done & it has not gone unnoticed. Nothing special I know, but for me it was a nice reminder that anything I might do & or give to anything, that God noticed it. Not that I ever thought he wouldn't notice, but you catch what I'm saying! :)

I even went so far as to download a podcast of a sermon from church onto my iPod. I know, what is church coming to, but really how often do we buy those tapes or CDs of the sermons & then actually listen to them?
It was good. Really good. And I do intend to download more when a particular sermon strikes me as something I might want to capture in my spirit. Just need a spiritual boost every know & then I guess....

I've just reached a point where I can't go on anymore just going to church. There has to be more to my spiritual walk then just getting my soul stroked on Sunday's. I want it to be something I am able to breathe in & out as well. I couldn't quote a scripture for the life of me! And I couldn't tell you what spiritual gifts I have either......or even have a desire to know it feels like sometimes.

I don't think I've lived a double minded life or am a different person Monday-Saturdays..... But I can say I'm unsettled in my spirit because I can't combat certain things in my life and I know I can tap into so much if I just reached into his Word & sought it out.

Like when it comes to really realizing that my friend whom I wrote about a few posts back that this isn't just a problem, but a spiritual battle over people's souls. And I'm not just talking about her soul either, but those emersed in it as well.
I felt like I was walking into a battle field completely naked. And I could almost hear the enemy jeering at me to bring it on. This isn't just a battle over the flesh, this is serious business & I need to be more aware of that.

Or take for example my health. Some of you who know me pretty well know that I have IBS. (For the sake of getting you to continue to read please google IBS & you'll see what it is) And basically I can't eat a lot of things & somedays are not so good. Like today for example. I haven't felt good most of this weekend & its mostly from my own undoing. I have the knowledge of what I can do to combat my health & how not to have flare ups, but often I test those limits & today is no exception.
But do I pray for my health or believe for healing??
Sure I pray for my health when I'm not feeling good. Probably not the best time to ask for something from God. I suspect I'm in the wrong in that area!
But honestly I don't think I deserve to have healing sometimes. Which is totally wrong. There are some days when I get so mad & upset I'll cry & feel pushed to my limits that I can't be normal.
Why can't I just eat like everyone else?
And why can't I just enjoy food anymore? When can I stop worrying?
And then I get more frustrated that I can't quote scriptures over my life concerning health & healing!
Its sort of a circle. Reach breaking point--get upset--cry--pray--and begin again.
How pathetic huh? Its like I know I have a manual on all these things, but somehow I try to get thru life by doing it in my own strength & then at the same time look to man for my healing.

Hey, I guess at least I know these things & reconize them as sometime I need to work on. Its a starting point.

Ok so now that I've bared my soul to you all & to random people who might read my blog that I don't know personally I'm going to go do my devotional I haven't done today or yesterday or I'll really be behind on my journal!! Besides it takes 21 days to break a bad habit, does it take 21 days to start a good one??
Hmmm thats a good question... :)