Crossroads...

I've been a little torn lately.
I have a friend from school when I studied radio who calls me up occasionally & tips me off about jobs in the industry or encourages me to keep on going within the broadcasting field.
I love him for that. He is great at believing in people & I guess that is why I feel so bad about not following thru when he spends so much time trying to get me into radio again.

But sometimes he'll call me up & tip me off about a job when its like the worst time possible. Like recently he called me up & wanted me to apply at a station he works for that is hiring & I just can't.
With having just started my new job working full time again, I can't imagine trying to squeeze in another job. Not to mention the fact that nearly every station I could work for here in WA are all in Seattle or farther...doesn't make for a great commute.

I'll admit I feel incredibly torn though.
I feel like I wasted my degree to sit on my shelf & forever pay off my student loans. I swear I feel right into the category of a lot of college students I've judged before...those who spent a ton of time going to school to never practice in their field. And here I'm, right with them.

Funny how life turns out like that?
Maybe God didn't want me to go to school & I prejudged his intentions based on some dream from way back when....
I dont' know. I know it was a dream of mine & still is to this day to have a great christian music station here in WA state.
How I play into that, I don't know... I really wish I did.

What I do know is that in this industry you start at the bottom & work your way up. There is no starting at the top. YOu have to work at it & rightfully so. I don't expect to start anywhere even close to the top! But knowing I need to put in my time feels like I'm losing time when I'm not in it.

Just the thought of working one day out of the week doing radio sounds like a lot right now. My plate is so full & only getting fuller. I feel too guilty being away from my family as it is, being gone one more day might be just too much.
As if any of that is a good excuse, but I do have to have limits because I need to understand that I have a family who does need me & I need them. I was gone all the time during school I can't do that again. I missed out on so much as it was....

But none of that takes away my secret longing & dreams of what I do really want to see happen one day... Its just not for this season..