To Do Today....

There were so many things I didn't do today.
I didn't clean out that office like I should have & have been meaning too since we moved in.
I didn't get a chance to clean the tub like I wanted so it would be clean the next time I wanted to soak in it.
I didn't make your dinner the way I wanted it to turn out. The bacon was burned & the quiche took too long to cook.
My attitude sucked today with a nagging spirit & a sharp tongue.
I didn't make the bed today or pick up the laundry.
I think we need to vacuum too, but I didn't do that either.
The litterbox stinks so bad I can hardly stand to be in the same room as it, I will probably get around to cleaning that one!
I didn't buy your present like I wanted. Credit card bills are starting to pile up a little.
The cupcakes I made didn't come out like the recipe on the box either. The special filling stuck to the paper lining so you'll have to lick it clean.
The floors need to be swept again, the dog needs a bath & I NEED so badly to get around to finishing my painting job in the upstairs hallway.

I yelled at you and yelled at Noah.
I yelled at the cat & I yelled at the dog.
I wanted to have a good day.
I ended up giving myself a headache instead.
I wanted so much to not create such a large to-do list. I've let it grow too large.
I wanted to make today special for you, but it went a little away from my plans.

I just wanted to be with you today on this special day, but I didn't hardly see you at all.
You said on your way out that as we get older birthdays aren't really a big deal anymore, but I think we've been saying that before we got older.
Maybe today was just another day & that is how I treated it, but I really did want to do more for you.
We've allowed the worries of this week to fester until today. And man, did the poop hit the fan when I told you how I really felt. That probably wasn't the best idea. I do need to choose my words carefully, but I just need to know you are listening. Its hard sometimes to be a spouse. Its hard pretty much all the time to be a mommy!! :) But I should have told you earlier in the week my frustrations because I drove my peace away with worry & fear.
Peace can be so fragile & so easily let go of if we decide to allow those worries fill our heads, which I did today of all days.
I might be a little hard on myself, but I realize that I have done so little for you lately. I've done enough for myself & you have let me do a lot of things for me.
Help me to be less selfish about MY needs & more aware of OUR needs as a couple. Otherwise, I'll just run this relationship & everyone knows a one sided relationship sucks.

Take this letter as a letter not of regret, but of forgiveness asked in a long drawn out form!
Be blessed today Babe on the 29th year of your life.
Next year you will be more aware of your birthday because afterall, you'll be turning 30!! (just for the record you are still older then me!!!)

MKD