Here We Go

I cannot believe that it is already august.
Seems like it was just September yesterday....
September was a fun month for us last year. During that month, we started Noah at private school, got new carpet installed & James nearly lost his finger that SAME day! It was pretty fun to watch me put all our furniture back! (ok technically our neighbor helped us)
And not too long after that our MC student moved in.
Looks like we might take in another one this year too. We don't know totally yet if that'll happen, but we want to be obedient to God. I haven't felt a definate yes or no from Him about having another student this year or not. We do know we'll have to take in a boy due to my schedule. I dont' know how I personally feel about that! Hey, you never see them anyway so it won't be so bad.

I've been alone this weekend while James & Noah finish off the weekend at his mom's house in Port Angeles.
I went to church tonight instead of going tomorrow morning. I like Saturday night service its very small & relaxed.

But I came back from church really struggling with stuff on my heart that I can't pinpoint.
I was digging around in our pantry trying to find something to eat that didn't require preperation and the thought came to mind that I wanted to be really feed & I wouldn't find it in food.
God, was that you?
I just felt like it was time for the "meat." Like as though God is saying, no more of that weak milk stuff---its time to really start growing up.
I think I've sampled the meat here & there for probably the past few months, but never truly surrendered.
And I think that's where my unsettled feelings keep coming from. Its like nothing can truly fulfill me.

I've talked about this with Chipo before. We talked about how we've sampled the meat & want it so badly, but just don't know how to surrender to it totally. And how we look at people who eat the meat all the time & we want so much what they have, just don't know how to fully tap into it.
Tonight Pastor talked about figuring out what your life is built upon. (the whole sand or rock topic) And I honestly dont' know what I base my life on. I'd like to say, oh yeah my life is soundly built on the Lord. But I still think I'm lugging a bit of baggage around to help me identify myself. Like how when people identify themselves because of their job. Its their everything sometimes.
I don't want to be that person at all. So I need to do some renovations & put in place better footings to support my life upon His Rock.

I feel like I'm missing something in life currently. I go off to work & leave my family to complete their day. I'm very torn about my job currently. I love what I do & I'm good in a lot of areas of it (minus the whole commission thing!). But I'm still having a hard time knowing I'm leaving them everyday. Once Noah goes back to school in the fall, I'll only see him on weekends & briefly in the mornings. From what I understand the chances of getting my shift changed---that I'd better look at getting promoted to a different area because apparantly that'll happen faster.
I'm just like every other Mom out there who wishes there were more 9-5 jobs!
In a perfect world.
I know that work probably isn't long term, no job really ever is. But my family is long term.

I'm done rambling.
Sorry for such a super long post.

One last thing....
New favorite song that is on my heart this week....

From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United
album: United We Stand (2006)

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out