Ok so I've decided I'm a snob. You might remember my lamenting over a friend entry awhile back?
Anyway, there is this lady down the street from us who Noah plays with her kids all the stinkin time. They go to Noah's school & really are nice to him & don't mind him coming over All the time.
But she's always been a little pushy to "be my friend." I don't know what I did to open that door, but she's taken it upon herself to leave me gifts & send me little notes.
This last note was one of those that "last straw" sort of ones. Basically it talked about how it was ok for Noah to eat at their house (you have no idea how Noah takes advantage of eating at other people's houses, makes us look like we never feed him or something!)
Then it went on to say how they would like to get to know us better, ok no big deal there, but then it ends with how they would Prefer (underlined) to get to know their kids friends.
I know I'm being a little picky about that statement, but I was really put-off by it for some reason. It made me think back to this one time where she just called us suddenly all upset to ask if we kept guns in our house. Ok....(we don't in case you were wondering!) Dont' know what Noah was telling them that day!
Or the time she assumed I would just watch her 2 kids one day by calling & telling Noah (who answered the phone) that her kids would be over in an hour or so & she'd pick them up that evening. Um...lets just say that didn't fly with me & she seemed surprised that I had to work. I don't do the whole call me up & expect me to do something like that.
This last Friday she calls our house at like 7:45am to ask if the kids had no school or a half day that day. Do I need to mention that when I Know Noah has No school during the week, I SLEEP IN. Needless to say I was a little ticked off about that one. Go look at the school calender!!!
Do I even want to mention that Noah started saying things like, "well maybe name withheld can do it for me, or name withheld lets us do it... Oh yes, that got my goat.
There isn't anything wrong with this lady. She does seem a little bored at times & maybe thats why it comes off as obsessive to me. She's a stay at home mom & does a lot of work at her church (nazerne church) so that is a good thing. Her kids go to a Christian school and her husband was really there for us when James hurt his finger to help us move furniture after the carpet was laid.
I told James she wasn't my type. To which he thought was just the funniest thing in the world. Maybe this is why I have no friends!! I treat them like dates! :)
I could have said something like, "You know how picky I'm about my shoes and they only go on my feet..." (Cher from Clueless, ok they were talking about sex at the time but sort of the same thing!)
I guess in some way thats how I feel about people who want to get close to me. Sort of an arms length thing!
So I guess that makes me a snob.
A friend snob.
Someone who is a little too crafty for me, dresses sort of like a JW & always wants to take Noah to church with them. (they invited us to so many church things that I started to wonder if they thought we were too wordly or something!) A total snob, thats me.
God doesn't convict for any reason. But he Gently reminds us of our shortcomings & this is one glaring one for me.
I think I need to just be more open to the "idea" of getting to know people better then maybe I'll understand her obsession for crafts & things like that. Maybe its a church thing that she dresses like how she does! I have no idea.
But at the same time it is hard because I do work so often & at such weird times & honestly I dont' think she remembers that....
So what do you think?
Should I say something to her? Like that I feel a little bit of pressure to become best friends & I need her to accomodate the fact that I work full time, at NIGHT? Ok, that I'm sure I'll remind her of anyway!
But all I've been doing is ignoring it. Which I think sometimes feeds it. But dang it all, if Noah would stop trying to go over there 24/7 maybe I wouldn't be even wondering what to do?!
I don't want it to be like, because your kid is friends with my kids we need to be friends too. I just don't forsee that happening with a lot of Noah friends. Of course I need to Know who my kid is hanging out with, but lets be real here, I can't monitor everything.
Ok so I'm done. I feel better telling you all about how I'm such a snob about this issue. That I'm picky about my friends & how far thats gotten me! :)
Curious to know your opinions.
I have waited nearly a week to post anything so this has to get me at least some sort of response!
5 comments:
Hi Marcie:
I think sometimes we as women tend to be a little more stand offish when it comes to other women friends. Then there are those of us that cling to female companionship. I myself am the arms length kinda friend (with most). I do understand your point of view and feeling at time like a “friend snob”. However you let this woman know how you feel is substantial, she needs to understand there is a line between acquaintance and friends. Just because your kids play together does not automatically make you BEST friends. I also feel that NOONE should assume that you would baby-sit their kids with out an agreement (her talking to Noah “only” was wrong). This is not the easiest subject to approach since you feel compelled to keep it on good terms for Noah sake and his friendship with her children… Maybe a good suggestion is to limit his playtime with them and not allow him to eat over. Make it clear to Noah that if he is hungry or thirsty that he needs to come home. Unless it is agreed that he was invited to stay for dinner or snack. I don’t know if this helps but I know I had to reign is a couple time when I felt the obligation to be “best friends” with one of my kids friends. on the other plank, maybe she feels drawn to you because she see Gods hand in your family. I will pray for Gods favor in this situation and for hims to shine his light on the right path. Sorry so long. Julia
You don't write for awhile, then BAM...you come back with a BANG!
You know God sometimes puts people in our lives to be sandpaper and to teach us a lesson. I don't if this is true for you and the lady down the street, but I know it is true for me. My thoughts are that she is probably lonely staying at home and trying to figure out what to do with her spare time, and trying to find friends as well. I don't think you are a snob at all, just cautious when it comes to finding friends. I pray that God will bring teh right friends into your life. Friends that can speak into your life and where you can speak into theirs.
I think it is great that you and James have learned the lesson about being faithful with tithing and realizing that God is faithful with all of our finances. Look at me! No real job; however, God is providing for me in ways that I could never fathom.
Love Ya
Rachel
Ok I think that you are not a freind snob..just picky..in a nice way..Sometimes people are so over bearing that it's a turn off..I would remind her that Noah is an only child thus always wanting to play with other kids, thus always being around.Also remind her which you will that you work nights and so phone calls before noon are just not right!! HAHA..ok maybe dont say that! Thanks for being my friend and not being too picky :)
Ok I think that you are not a freind snob..just picky..in a nice way..Sometimes people are so over bearing that it's a turn off..I would remind her that Noah is an only child thus always wanting to play with other kids, thus always being around.Also remind her which you will that you work nights and so phone calls before noon are just not right!! HAHA..ok maybe dont say that! Thanks for being my friend and not being too picky :)
What a great post, a very thought provoking topic. The first thing that came to my mind was...boundaries. We all must learn to establish healthy boundaries in our relationships and in our lives in general. That is clearly needed in this situation with your neighbor. But, at the same time we don't use that as an excuse to keep people out :). We can't be best friends with everyone and we don't need to feel guilty about that. However, I can't help but see that God is trying to do something in your life through this situation...and probably hers as well. What is it? I don't know. :) Not much help, huh? But, I can clearly see God is up to something here, so listen for His voice and be open to His gentle promptings. I have learned that not all my friends come in the package I think they should :)...and that if I try I can find things to like and appreciate in anyone. BUT....like I said before, we are NOT obligated to be best friends with everyone. That is where setting those clear and firm yet gentle boundaries comes in. The bottom line of this subject is that Jesus is our example. What we can learn from Him is that even He could only foster 12 really close friendships...hence my whole "can't be best friends with everyone" stance. BUT...He also "came to serve others and live His life as a ransom for many" -Matthew 20:28 As Christians we know that we "give up our rights"...these lives of ours are not ours to live. I don't believe that means that we become doormats. Even Jesus had many occasions where He had to get away from everyone who was constanly wanting from Him and retreat to be alone with Himself and God. So, I think He shows us the delicate balance there. Those are just my thoughts. I KNOW how hard it is when you feel like people are wanting more from you than you have to give...it is very taxing...but I have found that God always wants to do something in me or that other person (or both of us!) in those times...but, I have to push past my "fleshly" responses and reactions and listen carefully for the voice of truth.
Post a Comment