Ok I have a confession to make & I really feel like I need to expose myself here because I'm all torn up inside about it.
So I got a little Too Curious about something & I'm feeling an ton of pressure to do something, but at the same time am not sure what I should do!
Ok Ok I'll get to the point.
So I have this friend, or should I say I used to have a friend who has gone down a path that many of us wouldn't ever do even in the most dire of circumstances. But for her, she felt like it was all she could do. I'm not in any way making excuses for her & Yes I'm talking about who you think I'm talking about those of you who know me.
Yep, I did go look at her website & her myspace account. BIG Mistake. HUGE mistake. And it wasn't because of what I did (well, ok that in and of itself took some confessing on my part) but it was what came to me today at church that really made me think.
I was praying to God to help me block out the images of what I had seen and really binding those spirits of what I had opened myself up to when I know God spoke to me.
Now, I'm not one that really gets the message God is trying to say to me all the time so when I do get it its pretty earth shattering for me.
He says, "now that you've seen it, what will you do with that information?"
Boom. Ok God doesn't take anything lightly now does he?
I felt like God was saying, ok you made a boo-boo, but now you need to take the information you know & do something about it.
What information do I think I now have?
Well, that is part of my problem so to speak. I guess I would say I now understand the full extent of my friends sin & everyday battles. I now understand what she is up against & what I'm up against. And now I have a horrible understanding of her new lifestyle.
Please don't go & get curious too. It isn't worth it.
I felt like I was going to be sick & I was literally shaken to the core. I felt like I was watching someone sin over & over again. I realized how far one sin can go & how by some decision you make how it can effect people over & over & over.
How far can one sin go?
And wow the enemy is more then just a mastermind at what he is doing to our world.
And right in the middle of it adding to it is my friend.
Maybe those images in my mind shouldn't go away, but I know they will. Its like when you see a car accident & it stays with you for awhile, but we have hardened ourselves to "get over it" and we do.
I feel like now I have a better understanding that there are people attached to this. Real people. People who have such a huge hole in their lives that they feel like they are getting what they want, but its a never ending battle to find happiness.
And then I felt how God must feel when he looks at those people & he grieves for them.
Now I must decide what I'll do with my new "knowledge." How bitter of a pill that was. It isn't something I won't soon forget.
What will I do? What should I do?
Part of me wants to do what I've been doing, Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
The only thing that comes to mind to to pray & pray hard. I can't imagine what it would be like to heal from that & find peace again.
That is my confession. Not very good & happy huh? I guess when you want to see sin & then you realize how set apart from the world you really are, you want to be happy, but then you realize how far we have to go to help save people its a huge undertaking.....
Wow what an amazing picture of what God sees every single day. And then somehow he has time for me....
God is so good, all the time!
3 comments:
Marcie, this is a hard dilema. I think that it is very important what we let ourselves view and that it makes a big difference in the spirit we feel. It is so hard to look at a friend who has choosen a path like yours has, and it can be so hard to get the images out of our own mind. What I do know it that we have a Father who loves all his children and who forgives those who ask with a sincere heart. As for what you should do, I think that it becomes our obligation to share our experiences with others. I think that we should talk about how it felt when you experienced these things. Especially to young adults and those who are at very impressionable ages. I think that this is an invaluble experience to share with your child when the time is right. Not necessarily what you saw, but what it feels like to watch, see, or take part in such activity. You know I love to talk..so if you need to call me!
Yes, pray and pray hard..that is your most powerful weapon against the enemy of her soul and the darkness that has overtaken her. Worship. Worship is warfare. Turn on some worship music and worship (warfare) for her. This is powerful...we know worship went before many battles. Worship causes walls to collapse. Worship confuses the enemy.
Also, if you speak to her at all. I would contiually speak life to her, in faith. Things like.."You are more than what you have become"..."THIS is not who you are"...."You've not gone too far for the love of God, nothing can separate you from it." Blow on those coals in her, breathe life onto them, and maybe you will spark that flame once again. Remind her of who she really is. You have the ministry of reconciliation Marcie. Clearly though, if there is any contact with her, strong bondaries must be set, and you must keep a careful watch over your mind and heart.
See her through eyes of faith, seeing who she can be, rather than who she has become.
Bless you, Jess
Marcie
What a hard spot you are in; however, no one said that walking the road of Christianity would be easy. Jess and your friend Brianna said it well. I will pray for you and the decisions that you need to make in this situation. Confrontation is never easy; however, when you prepare yourself in prayer and worship, God makes a difficult path seem like the easiest path.
In SOAP today, i was reading about Stephen and how he was stoned to death. The entire 7th chapter of Acts is simply Stephen giving an impassioned speech for why God is the way and why those of the Sanhedrin were wrong. Just as God was watching over Stephen that day, I believe that he will be with you with you do decide the timing is right to speak to your friend.
Blessings my friend!!
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