Does it Always come down to this one thing???

I’’ve started to think that maybe I might be coming across as a little depressing & hard on myself when I’’m writing my blogs.
It might just be a mood I’’m in at the time when I start writing & the more & more I get into it I might sound a little……tired?
Honestly, I’’m not that sort of person all the time. I wouldn’’t blame you for thinking I might be a little depressed after reading my words. I’’m starting to think the more I do write maybe I do have a little touch of depression. Eh, probably not.Depression is such a big word to use. After looking it up in the dictionary (yes I know how geeky!) I don’’t think I’’m totally depressed. It said its a feeling of being sad or despondent. Which lead me to look up despondent which is defined as being dejected.
Hmm…… that still sounds a little too harsh for how I might be feeling. Maybe in certain areas in my life where God is working I might feel that way, but not as a whole.But like many of my never ending blog entries it always comes back to my job.
Why is it always like that?
Do jobs actually define us?
Define our place in this world?
Are jobs an extension of who we desire to be?
In high school we didn’’t really worry about those things because a job was a job & that was that. But now that I’’m an adult (an adult just by definition of age) and I have to go to some place nearly everyday its different.I’’m a really loyal type person who stays on with places for long periods of time because change is hard. So many of my jobs I’’ve had (except for seasonal type jobs) I’’ve stayed on for years & years.My first job was nearly 2 years and working for Pizza Hut for that long is a long time. Anyone out there who has worked or does work in food service knows what I mean.

My second job was for 5 years & would have stayed on longer, but needed more hours to support my new family.This current job I’’ve been with for 3 1/2 years already. Long time.I work in retail.yep. that is what I’’ve been trained to do besides my radio stuff. Its all I’’ve really done & really all I know. I won’’t tell you the store I work for because I dont’’ think that is necessary. But lets just say I do work for a fairly large company.
A friend of mine at work has been searching for a new job & she found one over the weekend. I’’m really happy for her, no really I’’m. I’’ve prayed for her a few times to find something that meets her needs.A lot of us at my workplace are seeking out new employment.
I’’ve started to lose count on who have gone & who are still looking. I think a lot of us are just wishing a recruiter would walk & hire the lot of us.You know how you just know something is probably going to happen?
Well that is how many of us are feeling at work.
Some will put a pinch on our management team to see how far they are willing to go with scheduling or hours. For some it has worked so far, like me for instance, while others didn’’t wait around for a compromise.
I love the people I work with & I think that is why I feel like I should stay. Almost like I would be betraying them if I left. But when another person announces new employment, I feel more & more unsettled about staying.

Its weird. I think God is really putting me in my place. Its like I get more & more uncomfortable when I’’m there. I feel pressure from management, staff, customers, anyone! I just wonder how much longer I can put off God like this.I know, I know. I need to pray about this. I need to really, really, really pray about this. Maybe things will change. Maybe its my college remorse again. But most of all——I NEED TO MAKE A DECISION!!!!!

I hate change. That’’s what it really boils down too. I hate going into a new place, meeting new people, starting at the bottom of the totem pole, learning new things about the job, feeling like the ""new kid."" I can’’t stand all of that.
Maybe I should throw in here that nearly every job except for 2 I’’ve had were brand new opening stores. All new stuff, all new people, everyone started pretty much on the same level because you didnt’’ know each other. Just new. So I’’ve really never had to deal with existing locations.
Pretty silly huh?
I bet you wouldn’’t believe that I’’m secretly praying a new store will open up in the mall I work at soon!?But once again it boils down to—— MAKE A DECISION!!!Whew I’’m glad I got all that off my chest.Now I’’m going to go & do a little job searching online. Maybe apply again to the places I’’ve already applied too.
I’’ll let you all know when I do finally make a decision……